Don’t call it surfing

I’m fairly laid back, but when people use the term ‘surfing’ to describe something other than a saltwater celebration – it makes me mad.

So what is surfing? Here’s the dictionary definition:

surf·ing

/ˈsərfiNG/

Noun
The sport or pastime of being carried to the shore on the crest of large waves while standing or lying on a surfboard.

Personally, I define surfing as: riding waves standing on a surfboard.

Wave riding

Surfboards in the good ole days
Photo: Surf Girl

Even riding waves on a longboard, for me, is a bit of a grey area. I have a longboard, but when I ride waves on it I’m ‘longboarding’. When I ride my shortboard, I’m ‘surfing’ not ‘shortboarding’.

In my world ‘surfing’ takes place on a shortboard.

However I accept there’s more than one way to ride a wave, and surfing derivatives such as bodyboarding, bodysurfing, stand up paddleboarding, kitesurfing, and windsurfing – all share a common goal: to get stoked.

So I understand and remain calm when any form of of wave riding is referred to as ‘surfing’, but when ‘surfing’ is used in the contexts below – I start foaming at the mouth.

Surfing the net

Barry don’t surf
Photo: Onward State

Nothing could be further removed from the thrill of riding waves, than sitting in front of a computer in search of answers.

Sure you can get ‘thrills’ on the internet, but it’s not a physical activity harnessing the earth’s energy, firing up the adrenaline and soothing the soul. You might develop poor eyesight and R.S.I from too much Googling, but you’re not at risk of drowning or even getting wet.

So please for the love of mother nature, stop calling internet browsing ‘surfing’!

Car or train surfing

A fatal attraction to transport
Photo: Sub5Zero

Crouching in a big wave stance, upon the roof of any land transport in motion is mental. Not ‘mental’ in a good, having fun way – but in a dangerous not thinking straight kind of way. Surfing is about tapping into the energy and speed of an ocean swell, not a diesel powered man-made metal-meteor.

Speed and stance are the only things surfing and car/train surfing have in common. Sure there’s a risk of death when surfing, especially in storm swells and sharky waters. But riding a speeding car or train, promises an abrupt end to life.

Why not call it a ‘fatal attraction to transport’?

Sand surfing

Surf on sea not sand
Photo: Deep Soul Surfer

I don’t mean the plagues of learner surfers paddling and ‘popping’ upon their beached boards. We all had to learn somehow and one day they may become surfers too.

I mean the people who slide and crash down sand dunes. Ok, you use a board, you stand on it and you slide at speed whilst making turns. So it is a form of board riding, and if you’re stuck in a desert, rideable waves are in short supply.

Boarding down a snowy mountain is ‘snow boarding’, so lets call boarding down a sandy dune ‘sand boarding’ instead please.

Crowd surfing

Fun and thrilling but not surfing
Photo: Dark Age Sun

A hundred hands caressing you across a crowd is a wonderful experience, but it’s not ‘surfing’.

Like surfing it’s an exciting activity that carries potential risks. But face-planting the floor, sexual assault and theft are very different risks to those presented by an angry ocean.

There are no boards, water or even riding skill involved – so don’t call it ‘surfing’. I suggest ‘crowd crawling’ as a more descriptive alternative.

Rant over, thanks for listening.