All fine if: you’re skinny, happy to be hated and want to look like a trucker’s love child.
If you’re over 30, do not attempt to wear the same clothes as surfers ten years younger than you. You will look tragically uncool.
Most people when they pass 30 years of age, have an office job, kids or an alcohol issue. Possibly all 3.
Which means you’re probably:
• carrying more weight than you used to.
• still trying to wear the same wardrobe from your twenties.
• desperately trying to maintain a cool surfer look.
Sure you can get fitter, lose weight, surf more, buy a new wardrobe. But before you do, consider the following:
Just say noThere are many surf fashions that surfers over 30, mostly men, won’t let go of.
But it’s time to kick the habit and just say no to:
• Bead and shell necklaces
So they have sentimental value, because you got them when you were travelling the world in your early twenties. Now you look lost in time.
As Esquire magazine say “Male jewelry should be discreet, classy, and preferably made from something that doesn’t float”.
• Skate shoes
Swollen tongues and wideboy laces were cool and comfy when grinding the streets on your skateboard as a careless kid.
Today even skateboarders opt for sleeker Vans style shoes. So lay those botox injected trainers to rest.
• Wife beaters
A crisp, clean white singlet on a muscular young torso is the epitome of an athletic look.
An over-stretched, stained vest on a jelly-bellied middle-aged man screams ‘wife beater’.
• Trucker caps
On a young fit surfer, trucker caps are slightly ironic. The large cap fronts are designed to be billboards for brands.
Unless you’re a young or professional surfer, trucker caps just make you look like a trucker.
• Massive logos and inappropriate slogans
As a youngster you’re proud to be able to afford a designer surf garment, therefore happy to display the oversized logo across your chest. Drug and sex related slogans seem funny, when you’ve had little experience of either.
As an adult you really should know better. You are not a walking billboard and ‘flyin high’ t-shirts won’t help you get a promotion.
• Super slim fit
Every kid I see today is wearing trousers so tight, you must need lube to get them off. Even those smart fitted shirts, which seem sensible enough, are only suitable for the malnourished.
The dangers of middle aged men and women, attempting to climb aboard the slim fit train, are immediately evident. These garments should come with a health warning like ‘this garment will explode on impact’.
Skimpy bikinis and butt hugging boardies are fine if you have a Baywatch body.
If you’re over 30 there’s a high chance your body should not be over exposed.
Cool surf fashion over 30Just because you’re over 30 doesn’t mean surf fashion has forgotten you.
In fact, surf brands are designing collections with the more mature surfer.
Makes sense if you think about it. We are surfing for longer, we have more disposable income and we still want to look like surfers. Cha-ching.
The mantra for cool surf fashion when you’re over 30 is: keep it classic and simple.
In my opinion men’s jewelry should start and finish with a quality divers watch. If under extreme pressure, a simple wedding ring can be forgiven.
Personally I think jewelry is completely unnecessary. Unless you’re a woman, you can do whatever you want. You are beautiful.
• Beyond flip flops
You no longer need to live in flip flops to keep your feet aired and comfy.
Lightweight breathable materials and slip on designs, mean you can cover up and keep cool with ease. Like the latest laid back Cushe Getaway shoes.
• Castro caps or snug beanies
Need to keep the sun off? A classic Castro cap will keep your balding barnet protected in style.
Need to keep your noggin warm? Then a simple beany will do the job, but keep it plain and snug fitting. Those big baggy ones are for people with long hair or dreadlocks only.
• New t-shirts
Traumatic as it maybe, you need to bin those 15 year old freebie surf mag t-shirts.
Invest in new ones with discreet logos and simple, inoffensive designs. My current favourite t-shirt depicts a lion surfing on a feather by the Wave Project charity.
• Sensible swimwear
There are many high tech, low vis designs out there. Meaning you can get practical, classic styles without having to shop at the same stores as your parents.
Check out Animal’s Darwin collection for high tech board shorts in classic designs.
For the ladies there are some amazing swimsuit/wetsuits out there from the likes of Neon Wetsuits.
It’s true, I’m no fashion guru. I have committed many of the crimes detailed above.
But if you’re over 30 and want respect from your partner and children, smarten up!